Hope and Strength

Dear Nicholas

Today marks 4 weeks since you became our guardian angel. An angel that will forever be in our hearts and a love that will never fade.

It was around this time that I got the news that you were no longer with us and had moved on to be in the great heaven above. I can still remember the exact moment. How time stood still. The tears running down the doctors face, and myself, a stunned emotionless self trying to comprehend what was being told to me. How could my Friday end like this? It can not be. This is just a dream. Wake up……And then in seconds my life was shattered into a time I didn’t think I would survive. Reality hit me and you were gone. How could a mom and dad lose a baby so close to his due date and pull through this. Never to see your little heart beat on that screen again. That was the day I lost an essential and significant piece of my soul. That day I learnt that your dad and myself have the most unconditional love and strength for each other. That day I learnt how to be a survivor. That day we gained a guardian angel, you.

You were 31 weeks old, 2kg and 43cm in height and what a beautiful boy you were. You looked just like your dad sleeping peacefully with his mouth open. You were the most precious and perfect little being I have ever held in my arms. You had the softest feet which I could not stop holding and stroking and I will have that amazing image of you in my head and heart until the day we meet again. I was the proudest mom of a beautiful little boy that day. And we named you Nicholas Jorge Piotis. Our little angel forever.

That day will be imprinted into my mind until I can hold you in my arms again and see your beautiful smile. That day will forever be the hardest day of my life, saying goodbye to my son. My son that I had dreamt of playing soccer with, colouring in with, cooking with and just having a good fun life with. A life that will no longer happen. A life that will now miss you forever.

You took my heart with you my precious son. I will never get to live another day feeling complete as a piece of me has gone. The one that will forever know what my beating heart sounds like from the inside.

So today I sit here, thinking of you, and I know I am a survivor. A survivor of the most impossible experience anyone could go through. A mom with an angel baby. A mom like no other mom. And I thank you for coming into our life, even if it was just 8 short months. Because in that little time, you taught me so much. You taught me how to love unconditionally, how to be selfless, how to pray, how to be strong. You taught me excitement and happiness like no other and I will hold onto that always.

Today, for now, I can only hold onto hope and strength. Hope that things will get better. And strength to hold onto until it does.

Thank you Nicholas for coming into our life.

Love Mom.