It is just another Monday. The start of a new week. Another day that we get into our cars and drive the long grey highway to wherever we are going. It is just another day.
But today feels different. It is a day filled with hope.
My eyes have been woken up to a glimmer of hope in the last few days. A country which was so broken has been giving a little ray of light. Some hope restored where darkness only existed. Our country has gone through a change. Yes, only a slight change. But a change non the less. The future of South Africa is looking a little brighter today. Because of hope, the country that we so love, has been able to see a little light despite all this darkness.
And this made me think. It made me think that even during the darkest time, hope can still prevail. Even if it is just a sprinkle of hope dust, it can still exist.
So I looked at our life as it stands on this Monday. A life with a shadow of darkness since you left us. A life with a hole of emptiness never to be filled by you. A hard life that carries on existing without you on this earth. And I know it is a dark time. I know it is a time we both never wished for. But it is our time. We are still living. We are still taking in the painful deep breaths every morning. We are here, right now, in this moment. And as hard as these moments are without you in our arms, I have to hold on to hope. I have to believe that even if something that we deeply want isn't happening right now, it doesn't mean that it will never happen.
Because even in our darkest days, there is always a little light trying to pierce through. A smile from a friend to make us smile. A message from a family member to make our heart swell with love. A hug from a mom or dad to comfort our sadness. Kisses to each other to heal our aching hearts. A little ray of sunshine that brings us out of the shadows of darkness that is overcasting our days.
So on just another Monday I have hope. I have hope flowing in every vein of my body. Hope, that even though we are going through the most difficult time of our lives, we will survive and be blessed beyond measure. And even though it is just a single thread of hope, it is still a very powerful thing.
So in this moment. A moment where we feel the absence of light. Hope does exist because I have been blessed right now with sprinkles of light. Your Dad, our parents, our family, our friends, our doctor, you, my son. And I am grateful.
I believe that a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.
A baby with a beating heart is a miracle, it is a blessing like no other. So today as I wish for another little miracle I am grateful for hope and life. I am grateful for your amazing Dad. For being my tower of strength and loving me every second of every day. I am grateful for our health that allows us to have another baby in the future. I am grateful for our special parents, your grandparents, and all their strength. For always taking care of us and loving us unconditionally. I am grateful for our family and friends, with their smiles and laughs and making each day a little better. I am grateful for our beautiful doctor. Someone who believes in our happy ever after and who is set on making it happen for us. And most of all I am grateful for you, my little Nicholas. For you have shown me patience. You have shown me that you need to live life everyday as in an instant it can disappear. You have giving me a love so intense and deep, a love of a mother for her beautiful little boy. And even though I am not able to hold you or rock you to sleep, I am grateful that I was blessed with you in my life. In my heart. Because you made me a mom. You made me a mom to a little angel.
So I have hope that one day soon we will have another miracle and you will have a little sibling to call a brother or sister. A sibling you can watch over always just like you are doing for us.
So my dear son, I will never stop believing in hope as miracles happen every day. We were blessed with you, our little miracle.
Love Mom
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