A step forward

Dear Nicholas

Today was a special day, it was the day our amazing doctor told us that a new adventure could start again. It was the day that we were told that a future pregnancy with either your brother or sister is on the cards.

Everyday since you left us has felt like a lifetime. We look at each day as a step towards something. A step towards giving birth to you. A step towards walking out the doors of the hospital alone. A step towards healing after your birth. A step towards our next appointment. A step towards a life without you.

And now we know our next step. It is a step towards your brother or sister coming into our lives. Yes, we don’t know when this may be, that is out of our control, but the thought of it is our next step.

As you see my son, in order to get through this hard and painful journey we find ourselves in, we have to have steps in our lives. They are getting us through the hours, the days, the weeks. We have to focus on the future and believe that happiness is on the horizon. We have to have faith. As if we don’t do this, I’m afraid our heartache is so intense that it will lead us down a dark road.

So we are taking the steps. Hour by hour. Day by day. And even though we are wanting to bring a living baby into this world, a brother or sister for you, our heart will still have a piece missing. That piece will always belong to you. The big brother. Our beautiful son who flies with angel wings. You will be in every moment, in every thought, in every smile, in every memory, you will be there with us in our heart and soul forever. Our first born child.

Today was a good day. Today was a day we took another step forward.

Love Mom